Once upon a time, many eons ago I was a working person and thought I was doing great. I had done what others had told me after I was home from the service and gotten on with my life. I had a job and thought I can do this, I was unstopable. I even went back to work for the government at one of the finance centers. I thought I was doing ok and that I was making strides and had hopes of making my own million and leaving all the sad depressing stuff behind.
Then in 1998, it was like my whole world had turned on a dime and upside down it was. I even thought at times that I had somehow while I was sleeping fell off of the planet earth and landed on a sister world that seemed like the place I knew but just weirder. Nothing was the same. I went to doctors and they could not help me, I lost my job and then fell into a depression that I was so scared of that I did not want to even breathe or move.
Somehow I made it and my benefits and claim was done. My checks have been coming every month and even though live may not be what I thought it was supposed to be, I have gotten to the point of seeing the sunshine again. I looked around my place today, went for a walk on my land of 15 acres, sat under a tree on a log and just took it all in. Afterwards I told my husband that I feel very happy, because I have my own home that is owned by us free and clear, sure others may think that it is just a broken down old mobile home, but it is mine and we are working on fixing it up and even planning on expanding in certain areas, I have 15 acres that is ours that I can do anything that I want on or nothing at all, I have my doggies; two beautiful girls who we rescued from lives from hell. And I have my cats, who are relaxing now and having kittens. New lives and babies that love me so much that when I walk into the room they all come running up to me and want me to hold them.
I have even been getting stuff together and trying to learn how to paint and draw, something that I once did a long time ago. When I was much younger before the military and before I graduated from high school I would write poetry, and short stories, and draw things and paint and then my parents told me that I could not make a living with that because the only famous painters and artists were dead ones. I realize that they were trying to prepare me for a world where I could make a living and support myself, so I left that part of me behind. Now that I can not go to work and earn more money even though I need it, I have decided to try to do creative things that will make me happy even if no one else likes it. My husband, bless him, has put up with me being a pain in the you know what and working so hard that I nearly lost myself, and now he sees a beautiful woman that is reaching out to be creative and hopeful and caring, with no thought of whether it pleases the world or not.
I guess what I am trying to say is that all of us must realize that there are chapters in our lives and even though we can recall when times seem better, we are no longer that person, but we are still a person and still have lots to give and do in these lives we have. Just reach out and touch something, someone, or don’t but smile for you are all survivors and all are powerful and amazing in our own ways. Lets hear it for us as we move forward and appreciate that which we have and hope for what we want in the future.
